MY HAUNTING AGITATION

I AM SCARED

Despite being protected under the wings of caring and sympathetic parents, I grew a strong self-despite in my heart. I sometimes feel guilty and ashamed of myself. The discomfiture is like a distorting and cunny mirror, whispering to my ears about how bad I am. 

Were a wish to be true, I would turn into someone else, not me. I am greedy for others' success. The greediness has been watered and nurtured by my insecurity and peer pressure. I am scared of social media, where all of my faults and weaknesses are self-realized. The brighter their victories are, the more normal I am. 

A post is more than a battle. I am in a dead-or-alive fight with my self-preservation. I hide all of my achievements as they are seen as so small and minor to me. Posting them is like an act of a pick-me girl.

A sense of guilt is flooded whenever I let myself watch a long movie or play a game. The exhaustion of my physical body makes me thrilled in my deep psyche. What a psycho I am!! I am proving to myself that this is me trying. 

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